Insomnia, anime, & anal beads.

So tell me again why all this happens? By this I'm referring to insomnia. I hate it. There is hate. Much hate. Normally at this point I'm sleeping soundly, not worrying about tomorrow or what it may (or, in this case, may not) bring. Yet here I am.

Fuck.

Guys, I just spend an hour and a half on the phone listening to my friend talk about anal beads. It's one AM in the fucking morning and I'm listening to this dolt discuss, of all things, anal beads. Anal-fucking-beads (no pun intended). Do you know what that's like? To find yourself deprived of sleep and only able to picture in your mind, a man with a pearl necklace up his ass? Well I'll tell ya - it's not fucking fun.

Know what depresses me? (warning; do not read if you are in, and wish to remain in, a good mood). Friends. They fucking depress me. You see, and maybe this is my unique situation, but I always get the sneaking suspicion that people, my friends included, think I'm some sort of asshole. (wonder what gave them that idea?) They treat me like one, for the most part, despite my efforts to rectify my actions (whatever it is that I do to offend people). This has been the primary cause of about four months of depression. Deep, deep, depression. But now, in the end, I realize that me attempting to change myself to please their rather banal needs has, in itself, labeled me as a push-over.

So I started acting normally.

And everyone went on fucking vacation. I feel like societies little outcast. Except that society can go fuck itself; I'm moving to Mars. (well, maybe if it gets a little cooler).

I feel like shit. But it's nice to have a place to rant about it.

By the way - Eureka 7 is food for the saddened soul. It envokes lonliness and a sort of passion. Longing, I guess is the word I'm looking for.

m3h...